What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
