Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
