it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Apparently you make a good broom.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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