just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
