Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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