i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
