dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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