I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
