Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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