SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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