No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
