he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
