I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
