I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
