At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
