where am i from again
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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