Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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