Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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