Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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