if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
