Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
