it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
