Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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