clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
