You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
