Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
