david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
