THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
