how do flat chested girls get laid?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
