Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
A+ Viking dick
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
