If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
