So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
