I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
