Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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