Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
