There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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