We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
