its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
