so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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