Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
