Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
