I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You can't motorboat a personality
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
