would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize