i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
