I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
