Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
