fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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