i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
