Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
