hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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