No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
