does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
